「C.U. Again」

sun-framed silhouette

sun-framed silhouettes –
the reason I’m alive is
ever traceable;
rays pointing to a figure
smiling gently in my past.

only then will I see you again

I asked you your age, that day long ago
you laughed gently as you told me
“I’ll have you for all my years here,” I said with relief
but neither of us could have known…

young and naive, I may have been
but our inability to see the future,
what we shared was not innocence…
was it?

you spent so much time with me,
gave me so much of your love
your words became my reasons to live
but I… I never deserved you, did I?

I could barely pay attention, I was so careless
I offered to trade places without meaning it
but still for years you saw in me
something I never saw in myself

the slow lapse into silence that time
and the sudden lack of answers
“here we go again,” I thought
the solitude was still familiar

I learned to count the birthdays,
the ones I spent without you
but as the years passed alone I decided
“it won’t have been in vain”

picking up the pieces as I walk,
my new goal becomes clear –
I will make myself worthy of everything you gave me
and then,
only then,
will I see you again.

NEGOTIABLE ~because I promised, it’s okay~

call me in the middle of the night,
whisper your silent plea
“I need you… I’m sorry…”
don’t be sorry, love
we all need someone, don’t we?

it’s okay, it’s okay, I’ll show you it’s okay
even in the middle of the night
‘cause sleep is always negotiable
didn’t I tell you my life is negotiable?
for the people whom I love…

I’ll show you the meaning of kindness, you’ll see
l’ll answer all of your prayers, if you let me
the world has turned its back on people like you
but I won’t
I promise I won’t

right now your horizon is full of dark storm clouds
but I’ll show you that rain brings life, too
right now you’re stuck in a blinding blizzard
but I’ll show you that spring is right around the corner
won’t you believe me?

it’s okay to need someone,
to listen to someone,
to believe in someone,
‘cause that’s how human beings are
hey, I’ll be that “someone” any day

I’ll show you the meaning of kindness, you’ll see
l’ll answer all of your prayers, if you let me
the world has turned its back on people like you
but I won’t
I promise I won’t…

and you know I don’t break my promises, right?

A Single Star-Filled Sky

As the darkness sets in I gaze up at the sky,
Wishing I had the ability to fly –
But I don’t even know where it is that you are,
So where would I head, for how long and how far?
The light is fading, and without you I’m stuck here,
But strangely tonight this produces no fear;
Just counting the bombs like I would count passing cars,
Knowing that you and I are now seeing the same stars.

On the other side of the horizon line,
You live in a world that’s no better than mine,
Full of clumsy creatures who act without thinking,
Who commit acts of destruction without even blinking.
They say that two minuses are supposed to make a plus,
So should we let two countries war without making a fuss?
I love you all, but it’s beyond my control –
Humanity is determined to rip apart my soul.

Dozens of years have come and gone,
And here we are at the edge of dawn,
Repeating ourselves like a song on replay,
Crawling desperately toward the end of the day.
The ground cracks open beneath my feet,
You wrap your child in a bloodstained sheet,
They whisper “I’m sorry” and pretend to care,
While celebrating nothing but death and despair.

Gazing at the same sea of stars, you and I,
We wonder how quickly our time will fly,
Praying we’ll live long enough to see
A world where love will be finally set free.
But tonight I understand that it’s only a dream –
One we can’t reach, one still too extreme.
I hoped we would meet in the future some day –
But tonight I am dying, so alone we will stay.

White Flowers

you felt that no one loved you,
you felt no one cared when you died
because society had put you out on the street!
and for what reason, to what end?
what other thoughts could exist?

you died and were buried within a day
and no one came to your funeral
your manager replaced you in less than an hour
and your coworkers didn’t care!
they didn’t even know your name!

your solitude in life was terrible
but in death you aren’t alone!
I’ll stay here with you now,
until the end of eternity someday,
crouched above your single grave.

the memories that people should have had,
the words they should have spoken
the white flowers they should have placed for you,
the love they should have given
you have none of it, but you have me!

so keep your head up, spirit traveler
you know you aren’t alone!
even in the coldest autumn winds,
against the most terrifying demons of the night,
I’ll be here watching, watching you.

just trust me and you’ll be alright!


through these burning skies I see
the starless sky you gave to me
the place I left my souls behind
the wandering demons in my mind

hurting just to feel alive
mere seconds tear apart my drive
you thought I was just going to sleep
sometime, someday again we’ll meet

I’ve fallen through the cracks, I know
mistaken gifts, my life to show
now searching for a place to die
just waiting for the right time

in the mirror, the ghost you see
the physical faces of all but me
the living spirit floating through the air
surviving now on a single dare

the shadows drifting through the night
challenging the edge of light
embrace me just like falling sand
knowing those without homelands

I’ve fallen through the cracks, I know
mistaken gifts, my life to show
now searching for a place to die
just waiting for the right time

now searching for a place to die
just waiting for the right time

Remember Me

Waiting for the autumn wind to blow the stars away,
I dream of you and only you,
Reaching out for the days we shared
And the tomorrows we left behind.

The goddess of time cannot care about us;
She sweeps me away to my death —
I can’t keep track, I’m losing it all
The words you said to me that day…

How could I be so cruel?
The promises I made to you,
I’ve left them far behind;
I can’t remember how I felt that time.

The current is too strong tonight,
Our love and care too distant to see —
Washed up on that glistening black and white beach
Where I once traced your name into the sand.

I took it for granted that you’d be here,
And even when I didn’t,
Our future of isolation was veiled to me;
I couldn’t appreciate what was in my own two hands.

I thought I wouldn’t live this long;
I thought I’d have you to my end;
But you made sure you went before me —
And now I don’t know anything.

The distance between us increases with time,
And she cares not about our past;
Please, I don’t want to forget you tonight —
But I’m only human in this life.


Dear ◯◯、

If you are reading this, can you tell me?

If you’re alive, will you send me a sign?

Today is your birthday

Again, this year

I have passed many of your birthdays

Without you.

I will play music for you, today

Will you please listen?

From wherever you are

Whoever you are

I hope the sounds of the piano will reach you

And maybe the sound of my voice

Or yours

Are you still sick?

Are you happy?

You made me happy

When I was feeling depressed

And couldn’t name it

I wish you had someone

Who could make you happy too

All I can do now

Is play music

And remember you

How long has it been?

Every year I feel regret

Around this time

You have taught me

Not to make such regrets

Have I grown since then?

If you have returned to the stars

Or not

Do you still remember me?

It doesn’t matter so much

I’m still alive, after all

I just want you to be happy

At least today

On your birthday

Can you feel it?

Time is slowing down for you

So that you can smile again



From 〇〇

August 2019

I’ll See You Again

I’ll see you again…

the world spins and spins and spins
watching the turnover of seasons,
I can’t read the flow of time
but you knew I never could
and now

to sprout and bloom and die,
maybe this too is our life
I watched you change colors like the leaves
before you fell into the white snow
so it’s not too far off, is it?

sinking to the earth,
you gave me new life
and then returned to the stars above
you always belonged there, you know
maybe I’ll follow you someday

watching over a flower as it slowly dies,
this kind of feeling is so painful
would I do it again given the chance?
I still don’t know the answer
but there was never a point in that

heat flows in through the autumn winds
pulled along by the season’s change, I think
let’s play a game of catch today
this tragic yet beautiful world you passed on to me,
I’ll throw it back at you again!

wherever you are
whoever you are
get ready to catch it,
‘cause I’ll find you
I’ll see you again!

The Ocean of Broken Promises

“I’ll find you someday…”
this last heart-wrenching promise –
we gazed into each other’s eyes and knew
it could never be fulfilled
but still we spoke the words.
there was nothing else we could do.

staring across these endless seas
with not a trace of the storms of yesterday
we prepared to recreate ourselves
going our separate paths alone.
“one day, someday, some time…”
in the future one of us lacked.

we stood at each other’s backs
holding hands as in childhood
neither willing to let go.
“don’t worry, it’s okay…” you whispered
somebody had to be the first
and we both knew who that somebody had to be.

an ocean of broken promises, I
I’ve sailed it to today
and where I’ll go from here, who knows –
“you and only you…”
the wind at my back, you always are
still carrying me out of the past.

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