「HIRAETH」

Hiraeth

lying in the grass alone,
I wait for the rain that will never come;
disappearing like the stars that once shone,
I still wonder where I came from.

the island nations far away,
the people by my side;
I know that I’m not here to stay,
but at least I can say I’ve tried.

where I’m going, I don’t know,
not even when I’ll get there;
an endless journey an undefeatable foe,
but it was only ever fair.

breaking through the stormy sea,
the wind a silent whisper;
I reach my hands toward infinity,
resigned to be a drifter.

who knew what I was hoping for,
but I hoped anyway;
believing there was something more,
I decided I’d get there some day.

some day…

so I thought, and here I am today.


Tariq

through these burning skies I see
the starless sky you gave to me
the place I left my souls behind
the wandering demons in my mind

hurting just to feel alive
mere seconds tear apart my drive
you thought I was just going to sleep
sometime, someday again we’ll meet

I’ve fallen through the cracks, I know
mistaken gifts, my life to show
now searching for a place to die
just waiting for the right time

in the mirror, the ghost you see
the physical faces of all but me
the living spirit floating through the air
surviving now on a single dare

the shadows drifting through the night
challenging the edge of light
embrace me just like falling sand
knowing those without homelands

I’ve fallen through the cracks, I know
mistaken gifts, my life to show
now searching for a place to die
just waiting for the right time

now searching for a place to die
just waiting for the right time


unanswerable ~dimensions in my mind~

questions without a question mark
because I know there is no answer

“give me your hand, just follow me…”
so saying, you leaped into the air
and we both knew it wasn’t fair
but it was the only way I could be free.

jumping out of the window, I saw
nothing within my tightly shut eyes
blindly trusting that I wouldn’t fall
that you wouldn’t feed me lies.

but of course you couldn’t catch me
you never existed in the first place
and so I fell with silent grace
led by a figure only I could see.

you carried me up into the night sky
and passed through a dozen worlds beyond
I never thought that I could fly
but somehow I could, as the new season dawned.

and yet I felt dizzy and overwhelmingly sick
saying “please now take me back…”
but to respond was a power that we both lacked
a dog unable to even see the stick.

hovering in a universe I couldn’t know
and always endlessly alone, I…


Chaotic Minds

The images flash through my mind;
I look out the window and see
People drowning themselves in tragedy,
A world of violence and greed
Based only on fantasy,
And I know I don’t belong here –
But I’m forced to share this dream.

Before the night is over
You tell me to close my eyes,
Try to soothe my soul with lies:
A promise that this world is good,
That we can be happy and always free.
You insist we can live forever,
And I say that’s not my wish –
But you won’t answer me.

Why do I live,
Why do I die?
This dream was never mine.
Just take my life away, I cry –
Unlock the door of my reality
And set me free.

I wrestle with my heart and hands,
I’m not brave enough to take it.
You say that I’m a coward,
Too sensitive, too weak.
You offer me a bedsheet;
You offer a pitch black knife.
But that’s all you can give –
And in the end only part of me wants to die.

Sitting on the ledge, you ask me why.
I wave my hands to the world,
To the arrogance and hatred,
The superficiality.
I paint the bloodthirsty violence
Onto an illusory canvas,
Begging you to see –
But in the end you’re just as blind as me.

Why do I live,
Why do I die?
This dream was never mine.
Just take my life away, I cry –
Unlock the door of my reality
And set me free.

Wake me up,
And set me free…
So that one day,
Someday,
I can live again.


imprints in the snow

now unreachable,
one lost in the blinding white –
what could I have known?
the aching within my heart
brings me knowledge of new life.


the spirit within

windy autumn days –
calling out my loneliness,
the spirit within;
now wandering together
following our destiny.


lost in time

fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, twenty…
eyes closed I count the years
moving forward endlessly, I think
I can’t escape the tide

so tired, I never planned for this
how much longer am I stuck here?
what do I do until it’s over?
I can’t fight it anymore, but…

“you won’t live to see that day”
so I walked without a future
it was an absolute certainty, can’t you see?
a destiny I kept to myself

but look, I’m here, I’m here
I’ve reached the impossible
I could never imagine this life
and now…

this was never supposed to exist, this day
I was never supposed to be here
the gods, the spirits, they made a mistake
they didn’t take me…

this thing called “future” I don’t know what to do with
where do I go from here?
marking off my extra days
the calendar on the wall watches silently

so empty…
this world I knew I would leave
I can’t stay, I won’t stay
but I have to stay someday

a watery planet with no land, no stars
I float along in the sea
I can’t even drown, what a rule!
and no sunsets or seasons, so this time…

“you won’t live to see that day”
so I walked without a future
it was an absolute certainty, can’t you see?
a destiny I kept to myself

but look, I’m here, I’m here
I’ve reached the impossible
I could never imagine this life
and now…

and now…


painted dreams

color-changing leaves,
painting now my destiny –
the wry smile I show;
my internal haunting, now
self-fulfilling prophecy.


Missing

caught in a current I can’t escape
I’m dragged forward unwillingly
pulled through the vortex of days and years
as though I had a choice.

there’s nowhere I can return to,
and no way I can get there;
what else can I do but go forward?
always headfirst into the hurricane…

like diving into a whirlpool
with no prospect of an end
or running with no direction –
what I lack is undefinable.

an abstract concept that never existed for anyone
most of all does not exist for me;
I can’t even name it
but we both knew it was always there.

there’s nowhere I can return to,
and no way I can get there;
what else can I do but go forward?
always headfirst into the hurricane…
unable to see what’s behind.


shapes in the distance, I

on the edge of the horizon there
shadows condense into the creatures of the night
many of them gazing wonderingly at me
inviting me to join them.

a riderless horse, beautiful and free,
with a mane of sun-lit fire
wanders across the dark blue plains
distinctly its own master.

a lone butterfly, hovering there
with a pair of iridescent wings
flowing through the air, it knows only
the intangible limits of its own sky.

a graceful wingless dragon
soaring through the clouds
heading for the heavens,
it extends its tail toward me

and I take it and I follow
having no real other choice
and the shapes carry me to the horizon line
to the unknowing world beyond.

2 thoughts on “「HIRAETH」

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