only then will I see you again

I asked you your age, that day long ago
you laughed gently as you told me
“I’ll have you for all my years here,” I said with relief
but neither of us could have known…

young and naive, I may have been
but our inability to see the future,
what we shared was not innocence…
was it?

you spent so much time with me,
gave me so much of your love
your words became my reasons to live
but I… I never deserved you, did I?

I could barely pay attention, I was so careless
I offered to trade places without meaning it
but still for years you saw in me
something I never saw in myself

the slow lapse into silence that time
and the sudden lack of answers
“here we go again,” I thought
the solitude was still familiar

I learned to count the birthdays,
the ones I spent without you
but as the years passed alone I decided
“it won’t have been in vain”

picking up the pieces as I walk,
my new goal becomes clear –
I will make myself worthy of everything you gave me
and then,
only then,
will I see you again.

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