Living as Kohaku

fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, twenty…
eyes closed I count the years
moving forward endlessly, I think
I can’t escape the tide

so tired, I never planned for this
how much longer am I stuck here?
what do I do until it’s over?
I can’t fight it anymore, but…

“you won’t live to see that day”
so I walked without a future
it was an absolute certainty, can’t you see?
a destiny I kept to myself

but look, I’m here, I’m here
I’ve reached the impossible
I could never imagine this life
and now…

this was never supposed to exist, this day
I was never supposed to be here
the gods, the spirits, they made a mistake
they didn’t take me…

this thing called “future” I don’t know what to do with
where do I go from here?
marking off my extra days
the calendar on the wall watches silently

so empty…
this world I knew I would leave
I can’t stay, I won’t stay
but I have to stay someday

a watery planet with no land, no stars
I float along in the sea
I can’t even drown, what a rule!
and no sunsets or seasons, so this time…

“you won’t live to see that day”
so I walked without a future
it was an absolute certainty, can’t you see?
a destiny I kept to myself

but look, I’m here, I’m here
I’ve reached the impossible
I could never imagine this life
and now…

and now…